Strangers is a podcast in which producer Lea Thau is trying to learn about love by exploring her own heartbreak. In this episode, Thau talks about how she read a book by a love coach Lauren Francis, whose advice she didn’t entirely agree with. But there was one piece of advice that stuck with her: “Men, like architects, always have several sexual options waiting for them in the wings. You should never assume that he is exclusively dating you unless he says so.”

Thau says she doesn’t think that all men are like this, but she had just been dumped by an architect. “He was so nice, but he surprised me when after two months he told me that he was still dating other people. And that he wanted to continue doing that.” OY!

So Thau went to speak with this Francis and it was a more cathartic experience than she expected. The first question Francis asks her is this: “If you had to say what was the big heart wound you had, what the big trauma was [what would it be]?”

Thau’s voice gets really shaky here. She’s emotionally raw. She’s not used to talking about herself and she’s embarrassed. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone around her – she does though, think her honesty will deliver some understanding about why she’s been single for four years.

Thau talks very openly to Francis about how horrible her relationship was with her son’s father. Let’s call him X. Originally X told her that he was dying to have a baby, but then changed his mind around the 12-week ultrasound. X was cheating on her. He left her. He was a nightmare, trust me. A NIGHTMARE. She said she and X co-parent, but he’s still a jerk.

“You got profoundly betrayed in so many ways,” says Francis. “I always say that women fight with men, they lose,” she says. “Why do you say that?” Thau asks. “Because men operate from this testosterone-based energetic. When they get triggered in that way, it’s often a fight to the death.”

Francis also talks about the male “secret lemon law disclaimer.”

It’s such an interesting podcast and also really intense, like you’re listening to someone’s therapy session. Okay, not “like” a therapy session — it is a therapy session. But an enlightening one, where you’ll walk away with a new look at relationships.