According to Variety, actor Jon Hamm just bought a new home in the Los Feliz area of Los Angeles for a bit under $3.4 million.

What Variety neglected to share (how weird!) is that the Mad Men actor's new 3,600 square foot, four-bedroom, 4.5 bathroom home is about six minutes from mine.

I live at the base of a canyon with the everyday people, but if you head up the very steep hills you'll find the massive houses of some very big stars. And now the future love of my life, Jon Hamm, is adding his dazzling brightness to that galaxy.

So if proximity is the name of the game of love, then this is going to happen.

Maybe Hamm will be baking in his kitchen, walk into his pantry and realize he's out of sugar. And maybe he'll bring a cup over to my house to borrow some and we'll lock eyes and the rest will be history.

 

But, more likely, one night while eating dinner alone underneath the white oak ceiling in his dining room, Hamm, will realize that what he really wants is a nice Jewish girl.

He'll try to shake it off, but as he pours himself some club soda at the wet bar, he'll find that the thought all but swallows him.

He'll take his drink into the family room, sit down on the couch and think, "This is crazy!"

Attempting to distract himself, Hamm will head into the formal sitting room to light a fire in the three-sided fireplace—but the color of the flames will only make him think of the hair of the not-bad-looking writer he has in his mind's eye.

Consumed by love for a woman he's not even sure exists, Hamm will throw himself on the bed in the master bedroom and begin to cry enough tears to fill the master bathroom's massive bathtub.

"Enough," he'll say to himself once he's pulled himself together. "She does exist, I just need to find her."

He'll grab a jacket and head for the door, stopping to stare wistfully into each of the three guest bedrooms while thinking, "I really wish I could fill these rooms with all the items a woman in her 30s bought, didn't like and forgot to return."

He'll walk into his backyard, look at the 28-foot long saltwater pool, and know in his heart of hearts that this will be the last time he looks at it alone.

Then Jon Hamm will walk out his front door, head down into the canyon, and find love.

Probably.

H/t: Variety