The Joy of Making Friends As an Adult

No wonder I’m tired. It seems that I’ve spent the last two years working in recruitment.

I looked around at my closest girlfriends the other day and realized that one-third of them are newbies. One third of my closest friends are women I’ve known for less than two years (actually, one of them has only been in my life for four months). So it appears that in between writing and paying the bills and doing the groceries and trying to trick Ava into eating something other than sandwiches, blueberries and fish fingers, I’ve been on some kind of subconscious recruitment drive. At some point I started shopping for friends; collecting women and signing them up to Team Bec.

I find this a little odd. Mostly because I didn’t realize I actually had any positions vacant.

For years I proudly adopted the infamous Jerry Seinfeld approach to new friendships as outlined in the Seinfeld episode, “The Boyfriend."

“When you’re in your thirties it’s very hard to make a new friend. Whatever the 
group is that you’ve got now that’s who you’re going with. You’re not 
interviewing, you’re not looking at any new people, you’re not interested in 
seeing any applications. They don’t know the places. They don’t know the food. 
They don’t know the activities. If I meet a guy in a club, in the gym or 
someplace, I’m sure you’re a very nice person, you seem to have a lot of 
potential, but we’re just not hiring right now.”

That was me. Not interested. Not hiring.  I couldn’t keep up with the friends I had, the last thing I needed was more people in my life.  So what happened? How did I wind up in a situation with so many new friends in my life?

making adult friends

I wised up. And I realized that as much as I love Jerry Seinfeld, he’s wrong. Wrongity wrong wrong.

It’s not new friendships many of us don’t have time for.  It’s inauthentic ones.

I’m knee-deep into my 40's.  What I don’t need are more superficial friendships. Connections that aren’t genuine, which are toxic or draining. Friends who want all of the contact time but offer none of the depth.  I’m done with that. But I will always have room for more people from my tribe.

To close yourself off from new friends altogether isn’t just arrogant, it’s foolish. An amazing friendship can happen when you least expect it. A great example can be found in my favorite film of 2010, The King’s Speech.  If you didn’t get round to seeing it, it’s the story of the surprising friendship between King George VI of Britain and his Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue. The King’s Speech was the perfect reminder that some friendships are fated and that out of the blue an amazing new friend can come into your life and change how you see the world. And yourself.

So my motto for  the rest of the year? Position vacant.

Do you find that you’re open to new friendships or are you currently not hiring? Have you made an amazing new friendship recently?