'Help! I Tried the Dances Science Says are Sexiest and Now I’m Too Sexy'

I'm having an issue.

I tried something and it has completely changed me.

Thanks to science, I am now a sexy dancer.

Earlier this week I read a Hello Giggles article referencing a study recently published in the journal Scientific Reports on the sexiest way to dance. Well, I tried it and now, in a Love Potion No. 9 type situation, I am too sexy for my own good.

Before this experiment, this is how I danced:

(Gif provided by sex appeal)

As you can see, I liked to bring my own brand of ha cha cha to the cluband by "the club" I mean my kitchen.

When I thought of sexy dancing, this is what I thought:

(Gif provided by sex appeal)

So yeah, you could say I was starting at a pretty sexy base level.

Except according to the study, I had a long way to go. My dancing most resembled what they found to be decidedly unsexy.

Psychologists from Northumbria University in the U.K. used motion-capture technology to track the dance moves of 39 women. They then turned those moves into several 15-second dancing robot avatar videos, and showed those videos to 57 men and 143 women and had them rate the moves.

This is what their study found to be the least sexy dance moves:

Perhaps like me, you're thinking, "That robot is pretty sexy. Especially because it doesn't have clothes. I don't really understand how that's not a sexy dance."

So I've helpfully provided a reenactment:

(Gif provided by sex appeal)

Yeah, okay, I see it. Not so sexy.

According to the study, a sexy dance includes the following:

  1. Greater hip swing
  2. More asymmetric movements of the thighs
  3. Intermediate levels of asymmetric movements of the arms.

Like this:

Okay, I think I've got it.

(Gif provided by sex appeal)

My boyfriend, Brad, was very impressed by my sexy dancing:

(Image provided by pure love and devotion)

He somehow managed to fall deeper in love with me! I didn't think that was possible. He also told me not to do that out in public. It must be because he's scared I'm going to get stolen away from him.

That being said, he did say my dancing reminded him of something

Well, as the saying goes, when in sexy-dancing-baby Rome:

Eat your heart out, Beyoncé.

H/t: Hello Giggles