"How to Tell My Cats Our Love Isn't Quite Mutual"

I am a dog person.

My boyfriend is a cat person.

So we have two cats.

And despite my protests, I love them. I feel like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls when I say this, but Norman and Rupert aren't like other cats. They're cool cats.


Considering how much I love them, it broke my heart when I had to break the news to them that there is a discrepancy in our love.

They love me more than I love them.

According to Vice's Motherboard, a new study from Oregon State University, published in Behavioural Processesfinds cats often love their humans more than they love food.

For the study, 50 cats were given a series of cognitive tests during which they were deprived of food, toys and human contact for a few hours. After the separation, the cats were presented with food, smells, toys and human attention to see what they missed most.

What they missed most was us. Half the cats went for human attention over food, while only 37 percent choose food first.

That's some serious love and dedication. I mean, I know how to love: I love my family. I love my friends. I love my boyfriend.

But I don't love anything or anyone more than food.

Realizing how unequal our relationship really is started to take a toll on me, so I decided it best to break the news to Norman and Rupert, face to face.

I owed them that.

With a heavy heart, I sat my boys down to give them the bad news.

Sorry, boys.

"So guys," I said to them. "You guys know how you both really like to eat?"

They love food.

They nodded.

"Well, according to science, it turns out you love me more than you love to eat."

They both stared at me blankly as if not understanding why this was worth a study.

"I hate to break it to you," I continued. "But I don't feel the same way."

The realization must have hurt them to the core. And yet, somehow they maintained an air of disinterest.

Playing it cool.

I began reasoning with them, pleading almost.

I started to worry Rupert was going to turn to alcohol.

Turning to the bottle.

"Just because there's a discrepancy in the levels of love between us doesn't mean we don't still have an amazing relationship," I sputtered. But the disinterest remained. And what's worse, I was starting to get hungry.

I tried to fight it, to be as good as they are. But it was no use. Finally, I gave in.

Finally, I gave in.

You gotta eat, right?

At that moment I realized that part of their love for me is their true understanding of who I am. Norman and Rupert see the real me.

Real love.

So to Norman and Rupert, I say thank you.

Thank you for loving me more than I deserve.